Hello! For any of you who don’t know me, I’m Kelly Jamieson and I write “romance with sweet heat”. Some of my romances are sexy contemporary romances, some edge into more erotic romance featuring elements of BDSM or ménage à trois relationships. My most recent release, Rule of Three, is a ménage story.
For many of us, loving someone makes us feel…possessive. As in, “that’s my man, hands off, bitch!” Maybe the reason we sometimes have that possessive feeling about someone we love is because we have the ingrained attitude that you can only love one person at a time. So if some girl is coming on to my man, the deep-rooted fear is that he might be interested in her more than he’s interested in me. Because he can only love one person at a time. Is it possible to get past that, to believe that someone can love two people at the same time, and therefore not feel threatened by that idea?
The principle of compersion might help us understand that. Wickipedia says that “Compersion is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual’s current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.”
In other words, loving someone so much that you feel their happiness. Maybe even feel their arousal.
In some ways, we all know what that’s like, right? Most of us have felt that kind of love, where you’ll do anything for that person, where their happiness is more important than your own. We make sacrifices for love like that. This is what makes the world a better place. This makes that “possessive” attitude seem almost selfish.
I think there are “open” relationships where the participants can explain their feelings using compersion, but I’ve never written a story about an open relationship. Rather, my ménage à trois stories always involve love and exclusive commitment, whether it’s between two of the people or all three.
This is how I got inside the heads of my characters in Rule of Three, out this week from Samhain Publishing, when they had to deal with a three-way attraction. Here’s the blurb for
Rule of Three:
Kassidy is a good girl who wants to be bad. Dag is a bad boy who is very, very good. And Chris? He likes to watch…
When wicked-sexy Dag returns to Chicago to catch up with his old college buddy Chris and meet The Girlfriend, none of them are anticipating the unexpected turn of events that switches a loving twosome into a scorching hot threesome. As old feelings resurface, and new attractions are explored, a storm of sexual sparks is unleashed that leads them into forbidden areas.
Always the good girl, Kassidy blossoms under the attentions of two loving men, but neither she nor Chris are expecting the ménage to take a quarter turn toward Dag…and his feelings for Chris. When it’s revealed that Dag’s attraction to Chris is one big reason he left town, a tangled mess of old hurts and new feelings might destroy friendship. Love. Might destroy everything.
Leave a comment on what you think about jealousy vs. compersion ― possible in real life or just a fantasy? One commenter will win a download of Rule of Three ― I’ll draw the winner Friday evening (February 17). Remember to include your email addy! (Contest is open to international readers)
23 Comments on “Guest Post & Giveaway: Kelly Jamieson”
I don’t see why it can’t happen, the heart is a big muscle…but on the other hand, I personally don’t think I could handle my man loving someone else like he loves me, so I think I would get very jealous.
Hi Eva – I love your comment about the heart – so true!
Melissa, thanks so much for having me here today!
I think we have the capacity to love more than one person, but that it would have to be a conscious decision to avoid jealousy creeping in. I’m not sure I would be able to handle it myself though, I’m a very jealous little bunny at times.
I agree with Eva’s Flowers, I think it’s very possible to love more then one person as much as you love another.
I’ve experienced jealousy because of high school crushes and stuff like that, and I admire the fact that a couple has so much trust in each other that they feel they could be apart of an open relationship.
I’m not sure yet if I could ever be apart of a relationship that’s open or if I could love or be loved by two men equally, it’s a nice thought though and I’m happy for any couple that exists outside of a literary world that has accomplished such a feat!
Hey Gabby and Mina thanks for commenting – IRL I’m sure that kind of relationship is difficult. I love the fantasy of it. I hope my book gives some sense of the struggles as well as the fun!!
I love the idea. Can it happen in real life? I’d like to think so, with the right combination of people.
I have more thoughts on this, and what my reality is, but I’m not ready to share here… :S
I agree with Mina. We all have the capacity to love more than one person. How often do we fall in love once and that’s it? We all have to choose whether we love one person at a time or more. I’m sure, if we let it, there can be jealousy, as in any relationship. If all parties are on the same page, though, that jealousy should be on the back burner and not cause a problem. Thanks for the giveaway.
People are different. I think what works for one couple may not work for another. In fantasy it makes for a great read. In reality it all depends on the people for the relationship to work.
Hmm… Hi, Kelly! I think it’s possible for some people to have relationships involving more than one partner and for all involved to be satisfied and not jealous, but I do think it would take special people and likely lots of communication. I highly doubt that I could or would want to–I find it challenging enough as it is to show love to the one I’m with even knowing clearly the ways he’d appreciate that! 😉
Joanne – well said!
Stevie – Frubbly? LoL you are right, communication is important in any relationship.
Kog – 🙂
I believe it is possible to love 2 people, but a relationship like that will take a lot of work, trust and confidence. Since I’m rather insecure I know it wouldn’t work for me.
Also all involved have to really want it. If you’re just going along because it’s better than risk loosing your partner, than you will end up miserable.
So I think it’s possible but you have to be very sure it is what you want and you have to have confidence in yourself and trust in your partners’ love.
I don’t know if I believe you can love more than one person at a time. You definitely can’t love them exactly the same. There are always differences, that can make you feel unwelcomed, and uneasy. Just look at sister wives, its part of their culture, they’ve seen all their own mothers go through it, and yet they still struggle with jealousy. Its normal to want to be more important to someone than everyone else, to feel special, and having more than one would make that really hard to do. But as a fantasy, I like the idea of a menage.
When we look at loving someone we always assume (or would like to) that we are the ONLY one and that that love fulfills us completely. I can see people say they love more than one person, but the intensity of that love will vary. There will be that one trait that is stronger than anything else that pushes that love over the top.
And in the eyes of your partner, they will want that love to be more. Jealousy is inevitable! One person will never truly want to be second best or feel they aren’t enough for the one they love!
Well Kelly, of course, I could love more than one person. But they better (each) only love me! 😉 I don’t consider myself a jealous person, but I am really sensitive to being left out.
I love reading all menage stories and love the emotional connection between the characters and how they work it out.
Love comes in all forms and variations, levels and depth. I can imagine that it could be possible if your secure enough in yourself and those that you love. it would be a difficult balance that would need alot of hard work and the willingness to be vulnerable to those that you love. A deep consideration and wanting to be totally open with more than a single individual. A great discussion with so many things to think about. Like other posters, I too am highly sensitive, and I think a persons self esteem would be definitely be involved.
Thank you for the giveaway.
pommawolf AT hotmail.com
I think that I could handle a relationship like that. For one I am not a jealous person, for another if both of the other people loved me I feel that it would only make me happier if they loved each other also. I also think that in a relationship like that there is more of a sharing of the burdens of everyday life. Which in turn would lighten the load on all.
Kim, you crack me up! But I know how you feel, actually… :/
Darcy – great insights into a menage relationship!
Lots of really good points! Thanks for the comments everyone!
I do love stories featuring menages. I am sure that IRL they are very difficult but it is a great fantasy, especially when it involves some m/m lovin’, lol.
The new book sounds great. Congrats on the release.
manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com
Hi June, glad you enjoy menage stories, because I like writing them 🙂 I agree, I think it’d be hard in IRL but enjoy the fantasy!
I’m a huge menage fan and Rule of Three is right up my alley. I’ve added it to my must have list.
booklover0226 at gmail dot com
Thank you Tracey!
WINNER! Thanks to Random.org the winner of my giveaway is June M!!
June, I have emailed you also.
Thanks everyone who came by and commented (and if you read but didn’t comment, thanks for that too!) And once again thanks to Melissa for having me here this week!
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